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     I went to my grandson’s kindergarten Christmas concert.  They handed out programs with all the names of his classmates.  My confusion was great.  I must be older than I think. . . . 
    Where have all the Roberts gone?

I know lots of Roberts                                                    
    And a couple guys called Bob.                                       
They’re mostly good guys,
    Thoughtful, kind — not a single slob.                                                    

They wear that name with honor,                                  
       Try not to bring it shame.                                                
When they are done, anyone                                          
       Could proudly wear the same.                                         

Stop by a kindergarten,                                                    
       You’ll not find a single Bob.                                        
And asking for a Robert?                                                   
       Well, that’s a hopeless job.                                               

There are some names to call your child                     
       That wouldn’t be so kind.                                                
When I think of names with baggage                              
   Well, Adolph comes to mind.                                            

Judas never caught on                                                      
       For reasons understood.                                                     
Initials that make O.J. —                                                     
       That might not be so good.

There are lots of good ones
      A parent could employ.
And when a stranger heard it
       They’d know it’s a girl or boy.

I meet a parent with a child
       Dressed up in light green mint.
I ask its name; they tell me.
       I still don’t have a hint.

Its gender should not matter.
       Its parents are quite proud.
 And what I think about their choice
       I do not say out loud.

But why must names appear to be
       A scrabble game gone bad?
With spelling that breaks all the rules
       That spelling ever had.

There are things you should consider
       Besides its ease to spell.
A parent really should test out
       How it sounds to yell.

When you’re at a ball game
       Third row from the top,
Your child should have the kind of name
       That really has a pop.

Nancy, Roger, Jane or Jim --
       All choices that are wise.
And sprinkle in a David.
      (They’re really special guys.)